I feel like today of all days I need to write. Write about how much I miss my babies. About how hard it is to watch others move forward when I feel eternally left behind. Write about the regrets I have and hope I struggle to find. And yet I don't have the words to say any of this.
My dear babies. I miss you so much. I wish you were with me and we could all celebrate your birthday together. I wish I could laugh with you, read to you, teach you how to clap and stand. I wish I could watch you grow and wonder who you'll become, instead of wondering who you *would've* become. I think about you daily and even when I think I'm doing ok there's always a lingering emptiness that only you two could've filled. I hope that someday your dad and I will have a child to hold. We're giving everything we've got to fufill that dream. But even if I have my baby in my arms I don't doubt that you will always be on my mind. I love you and I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.