Wednesday, May 14, 2008

not so merry unbirthday

I feel like today of all days I need to write. Write about how much I miss my babies. About how hard it is to watch others move forward when I feel eternally left behind. Write about the regrets I have and hope I struggle to find. And yet I don't have the words to say any of this.


My dear babies. I miss you so much. I wish you were with me and we could all celebrate your birthday together. I wish I could laugh with you, read to you, teach you how to clap and stand. I wish I could watch you grow and wonder who you'll become, instead of wondering who you *would've* become. I think about you daily and even when I think I'm doing ok there's always a lingering emptiness that only you two could've filled. I hope that someday your dad and I will have a child to hold. We're giving everything we've got to fufill that dream. But even if I have my baby in my arms I don't doubt that you will always be on my mind. I love you and I miss you. I miss you. I miss you.

1 comment:

Busted said...

I'm so sorry sweetie. This May should have been different for you. I know how difficult it must be to get through this month, but just know that there are so many people thinking of you. I'm glad you got to write your babies a message today.

And yes, I'm sure they will always be on your mind, but I'm also sure that you will have a baby that you get to hold and watch grow up, and that baby will be so loved.