Tuesday, August 26, 2008

everybody's doing it

Imagine if you will:


You've been eyeing a new Thing-A-Ma-Bob(tm) for 2 and 1/2 years. Whatever you do, you just can't get that Thing-A-Ma-Bob out of your head. Everyone you know seems to have one (some currently have their second(!) on layaway) and they just absolutely adore them. Owners of Thing-A-Ma-Bobs even belong to special clubs and groups in which only Owners are invited. It seems like these things are just everywhere and you want one too!

Most of your friends made their own TAMB's and they turned out perfectly. You've tried for years but it seems you're just not as crafty as your friends and family. Your Thing-A-Ma-Bob just never turns out how it should (no matter how many "helpful" tips other Owners might pass along). But you can't stop thinking about them.

After a while you start to eye others' TAMBs with trepidation, sometimes telling yourself that maybe you don't really want one anyway. But you can't kid yourself. You're so eager to get in on the fun all the other Owners are having. You're getting desperate.

A friend once confided in hushed tones that she wasn't very crafty either, but she "knew a guy" who could help. So you seek him out, hoping that he might be able to finally get you your TAMB. His shop is small and filled with other people, many looking quietly ashamed that they couldn't make their own Thing-A-Ma-Bob either. You keep your head down. You don't talk.

Your name is finally called and you sit down with a man who might finally be able to make you an Owner. You're elated when he tells you that there's no reason you can't get your own TAMB. He gets people new TAMBs all the time. You're feeling good, your hopes are up. But, he warns you, your path to Ownership? It's not going to be easy - as a matter of fact, it might be somewhat painful - and then there's the little detail of cost.

Yes, most people get their Thing-A-Ma-Bob's for free, but since you couldn't make your own it's going to get a little pricey. He tells you he has no choice but to ask you to hand over 12.8% of your annual income and he'll see what he can do about getting your TAMB ordered. He needs the money up front - 12.8% of your pre-tax income! - and although he's "sure it'll all work out", when you read the fine print you learn that only 65% of his clients actually go home with TAMB in hand. And if you're not in that 65%, well, sorry. No guarantees. No refunds. But you can always place another order next month.


Can you imagine what kind of person would hand over that money - that 12.8% of their salary - with only a 65% guarantee of getting what they paid for? What kind of a state-of-mind must that person be in, to make that leap of faith and give up so much without any promise of ANY return?

And we wonder why the Potential Owner is seriously considering a nervous breakdown.

13 comments:

Lisa said...

I hear ya. We're placing a repeat order on a TAMB that has just a 25% chance of coming in (it's an age-discrimination thing), so you're way smarter than we are!

Good luck. Get that thing!!

Thanks for the ICLW visit!

G said...

I'm going to spend 12.8% of my income buying candy bars, hoping one has the golden ticket...

wait, what?

Almost makes you want to uproot and move to a state with mandated coverage, doesn't it? Don't think I haven't considered it.

~Unfeathered~ said...

Wow. It amazes me that we have so far to go with medical insurance coverage. :-/

Jennifer said...

Yep, baby fever is a kind of insanity. Why do we have such a powerful need to procreate? Better yet, why do some have it while others don't? And why can't those who don't also be the ones who can't? That would be good.

I hope you get a fantastic return on investment.

Niki said...

I hear ya girl! We've paid our 12.8% and then some. I'm hoping that you get your TAMB and don't think twice about what you've paid! Best wishes to you on your journey!

dmarie said...

That was brilliant. So true. So sad but true.

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

Such a great post. And I remember when it was hard to get a Cabbage Patch Kid...if only I knew then...

Lost in Space said...

I completely understand. I hate that this is so hard for so many and the cost is what limits so many of us. Huge hugs to you. I hope you get your TAMB very soon.

BTW, your post was so cute!!

Penny said...

I swear, sometimes I think our TAMB's should come with a 14K bar of gold or something, as thanks for all the money and sacrifice.

theclam said...

Oh my word - that was a GREAT post... personally I'm also planning on a re-order for a TAMB... *sigh*

But lets hope that we both get there and sooner rather than later!

ICLW

Kelli said...

Thank you so much for your comments last week. It really meant a lot.

I have to say that is one of the best blogs I have read. It's a brillant take on it. I hope your baby comes to you soon. Sending lots of thoughts and prayers your way.

lifeslurper said...

Hmmm...this new Thing-A-Ma-Bob(tm)of which you speak...it is the new iPhone, right? I wanna get me one of those - soon after I get meself one of those mini human critters!

Rela Pantaleon-Manigsaca said...

and what if...it was not really 65% for everyone - for some, it might be as low as 20% chance of taking home.

I told my husband that for that price, we can get a car - 100% guaranteed. And here we were, toying with the idea of a 20% chance of "return on investment". It's not practical but who says an infertile couple thinks logically?

Arpee @ The Saga of Becoming Fruitful