Wednesday, June 11, 2008

how's my hair look?

Although we might not readily admit it, we infertiles probably think about our "naughty hair" more often than most people. (Well, most people, excepting porn stars, professional waxers and merkin makers.) With so many people digging around the area, it's only normal to want to keep things tidy. Usually I am no exception. Recently, however, I made a bold move in terms of a new, um, hairstyle and like so many drastic haircuts I immediately regretted it. And unlike a typical bad hairdo which can be tucked behind the ears, pulled into a ponytail or accessorized with hats and headbands, this haircut is always on my mind for one reason or another. ("Itchy" just wouldn't do it justice.) And so to pay tribute to this most egregious of errors, a list:

3 Moments in Pubic Hair History

1. On a public message board many years ago, a girl found herself unexpectedly (though blissfully) pregnant. She was thrilled with this new development, but terrified upon learning that her doctor wanted to see her right away. She shared with this board that she had recently gotten a brazilian wax and there was nary a hair to be seen. She worried aloud that the doctor would "wonder how she could possibly take care of a baby if she couldn't even be responsible with her pubic hair."

2. It had become quite obvious that my (now) husband and I were moving to *that* point in our relationship. It was clear that we would be naked and intertwined very soon and being that I was respectful of the new relationship I didn't want my paramour to know that I avoided even leg shaving like the plague. "Less Is More" was the latest trend in hair-down-there and not wanting my man to think I wasn't down with the cool kids, I gave her a trim. Nothing too drastic, just your basic landing strip to let him know I was a modern woman with modern grooming habits. Unbeknownst to me, this trend hadn't hit the UK yet and as he was spankin' new to our shores he had yet to witness the landing strip. As he couldn't hide his look of shock he confided rather quickly that he thought "only porn stars did that". Alas, my new man didn't think I was a hipster, he thought I was a perv.

3. Although my life resembles Mama's Family more than it does Sex and the City, I have been known to have an occassional Girl's Night Out. On one such night, the topic turned to grooming habits, the beer causing us all to be more forthcoming than normal. Being the delicate southern women we are we spoke in euphanisms, metaphors. One piping up "I've got a shag rug" while another discussed methods for trimming her "berber". Someone confessed she'd always sported "wall to wall carpeting" and inevitably the talk turned to "hardwoods". One of my friends who had remained silent until then lit up. "I have hardwood floors!" she shouted, glad to finally be a part of the conversation, and loudly expressed her preference for pine over maple. Poor thing - she always was the "Charlotte".

For the record I believe these hairstyles are cyclical, just like any other fashion trend. Everyone's shaving these days, but don't forget a few years ago everyone was wearing ponchos. Mark my words: the Joy of Sex bush will be back. I cringe when I hear someone has made the bold move of permanent hair removal. Imagine your junk being described as "so 2000!"


SAHW said...

Lol, good post! We are definitely more obsessed than most...because we have so many more people than most observing us down there! I'm never sure which side of the fence I'm on...I change my mind each visit. :)

Emily said...

Ha! Great post! You should have seen me in the shaving aisle of Target today trying to decide what my next 'do will be. Wax? Nair? New Noxema Bikini Trim Razor? Oh the joys...:)

Pepper said...

Love this post! So funny.

You know, I've never been one to go with the trends when it comes to that special type of hair. I didn't even know there were trends! :-)

seriously? said...

Oh I was always concerned with that, trimming before the yearly etc. Imagine my surprise (and horror) when I went for my consult with the RE. I was told it would be a consult only, no tests just conversation. Well LUCKY ME, I was on CD15 so he wanted to do a quick peek with the vag cam. So I had never had a male doctor near that area before, I had never had a vag cam experience, and I hadn't um, prepared. It was awful, I wanted to apologize. I thought that might have come out weirder though so I just laid there mortified.

Anonymous said...

This is fricking hilarious!!


Jen said...

Too funny! Love it!

MrsTSalazar said...

IM a lurker, but this post caught my eye!

I love your blogs!

And BTW...I have hardwood floors too.....reading this to my DH he was lost....he said "Well carpet requires a vaccuum while floors just need to be mopped."

There you go....Mop it!


Harms said...

Hil-frickin'-larious. You are such a porn star.