The Holiday Season

Apparently yesterday was not only National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, but was also National Shit Blood Day. I, being a good god-fearing American, chose to celebrate both!

Almost exactly a year ago I learned that my twins (identical, conceived "naturally" after only 5 months of trying) had died in utero at 9 weeks. Days, weeks (ok, months) of weeping, mourning, gnashing of teeth were to come. But before any of that I had a D&C and a couple of really handy prescriptions (ambien, valium AND vicodin - on doctor's orders?!). Only one thing snapped me out of my drug induced haze. 3 days after the D&C, on October 15th, I went to the bathroom, expecting a gush of blood from one orafice and was shocked to find it spurting from the other, seedier and generally less bloody one. For the second time that week I called the on-call doctor at my OBGYN, panicking about the mess in the toilet. (Apparently I was rewarded for my miscarriage with hemorrhoids. I have all the luck.)

Imagine my surprise when I went to the bathroom yesterday after lighting my Pregnancy Loss candle and found that for the second time in my life, I'd crapped red. How sweet that even my bowels chose to pay tribute to my losses. (Either that or this blog will quickly become less about infertility and more about colon cancer. Stay tuned!)